moonvoice (ravenari)

Dear Dreamwidth,

I have tried to show you my cats in varying poses...
those of dignity, poise and litheness.
But the reality is;
the cats would much rather humiliate themselves for your viewing pleasure.


Presenting Moet




( My champagne lump of fluff. )


Presenting Maybe




( My no-necked champion. )

Best. Place. Everrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(Seriously, the revolving prison is too exciting for us. Lol. But anyway, welcome to THE MOST MAJOR CITY IN THE WOOOOOOOORLD.)

I was going to talk about how much I love nature.

I was really going to talk about how much I love nature.

AND THEN I FOUND A LIVE FUCKING SCORPION IN MY STUDY (or Maybe found it and then was rapidly grabbed and put away before she could hurt herself, which is what she clearly wanted to do) AND I CHANGED MY FUCKING MIND.


The SCORPION OF DOOM




I was going to be all like, hey I saw a western brush wallaby in the bushland today and it stared at us for ages and it was all magical and crap.

But then I changed my mind. Glen's all like 'I didn't know we had scorpions in Perth!' and I'm like 'I did, I didn't know we had them IN OUR HOUSE.'

We are now discussing the merits of moving anywhere but here. (I actually prefer close encounters with snakes over scorpions, but that's because snakes can't grab you with two pincers before stabbing the crap out of you.)

(Anyone concerned with the welfare of the scorpion should know that we 'rehomed it' in some bushland far far far away. FAR AWAY.)

(x-posted to Wordpress. Eventually.)

Pia’s ‘I’m still working on the perfect recipe so don’t blame me if you hate them’ Orange-Vanilla Choc-Chip Muffins.

Warning kids, I'm NOT a professional, so you CAN try this at home! ;)

You will need:

- A muffiny-type tray for muffin things. (This recipe will make 9 muffins, or like...twelve regular cupcakes, ish). Greased or like...muffin paper-y things. I’m a very official cook.
- An oven preheated to 180C (355 F)
- Stirring type things. Bowl type things. A clear bench space (I frequently forget how important this is).

You will also need:

- 220gms Self-Raising Flour
- 1/4 – 1/3 cup castor sugar (you can use raw sugar, and the original recipe said ½ cup, but that’s too much for me).
- ¼ cup vegetable oil
- ¾ cup milk
- 1 lightly beaten egg
- 1 tspn vanilla essence
- 1 tspn orange essence (you can also use grated orange zest and stuff, but I had none).

- 150 - 200 gms filling of your choice, I of course choose the superior dark chocolate chips by any brand that looks really decadent and fattening. Hey, it’s muffins. But seriously, people add cinnamon and apple; white chocolate chips and raspberry. I’m just a whore for dark chocolate chips in vanilla muffins – it’s totally your choice what you put in there. The recipe is flexible.

What you do.

00. Preheat that damned oven already.

0. Take chocolate chips and a teaspoonful of flour and put them in a bowl, mix until chocolate chips are very well coated in flour. If you do not do this, all the chocolate chips will sink to the bottom of your cupcake and; while still tasty, will be a source of shame and embarrassment to you and your friends.

1. Sift flour (into a bowl, not directly onto the bench). Add sugar. Lightly mix. If you’re like me, you’ll think ‘wow, that’s a LOT of sugar,’ even though it isn’t really compared to other things. Make a well in the middle.

2. Mix wet ingredients (in another bowl).

3. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients, mix until just combined. I use a fork and work very lazily. Because I always interpret ‘just combined’ to ‘the laziest most half-assed stirring you can imagine,’ which seems to translate to, ‘muffins!’ Go figure.

4. Add ¾ chocolate chips (or ‘most of them’) mix very lightly (the dry coating of flour around the chocolate chips is what makes them not sink to the bottom of the muffin, so if you mix too well, they’ll sink, might be a reason why muffins have such uneven distribution of fillings yeah?), and then spoon the mixture into your muffin-y type tray.

5. Add rest of chocolate chips to the top of your muffins.

6. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until lightly golden; whichever comes first. I recommend passing the time by playing Bejewelled Blitz, telling the cats to ‘get off the kitchen bench,’ washing dishes, repeatedly checking the oven in a futile way, making this sound when you realise they’re rising – ‘EEEEE!’, and doing things like... imagining how awesome you’re gonna be when you make them again. And again.

7. Eat them!

Ganked from gemfyre.

I used to hail from the Balga area, and I used to work there. Anyway, read the third paragraph down:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balga,_Western_Australia

So Glen takes a handful of late night, post-training frootloops.

He says 'go away cats, I'm not giving you any!!!'

I say 'oh just drop one on the floor, they won't eat it.'

He drops one on the floor, and Maybe, who is meant to be on this totally restricted diet, eats it.

So I give up and say, 'oh you better give Moet one too or he'll get jealous.'

Moet also eats his frootloop.

Fucking cats.

One day the cats will hear variations on the theme; 'GO AWAY, I am SO not feeding you right now,' as 'go away, I am not feeding you right now,' instead of what they currently interpret it as:

'ooooo, let's play-fight together under Pia's FEET!'

'QUICK BITE HER ANKLE.'

'Let's trip her up, whee!!!!'

'I'm gonna jump on the kitchen bench and you can't catch meeeeeeeeeoh wait, DAMN THAT SPRAY BOTTLE TO HELL!'

*

And as the beautiful light of the setting sun streamed into our house, I realised that if I ever wanted a PETA friendly fur coat, I'd just need to lightly spray myself with water and roll around on the floor.

I succumbed to Twitter.

The gods command that you follow me!!!

(for all athiests, follow me anyway!!!)