One of the things I've really been enjoying about the artificial turf is mostly just going outside and lying down on it. It's quite plush, and it inhibits ants (a big problem out here), so I'm less likely to get randomly bitten while I read. Of course, then I got distracted by myself...
If only my eyes could like that all the time! The brown becomes a lot more dominant outside of direct sunlight. My eyes are way more indecisive than I am.
You know - I'd figure your background would result in a lot of body shame and wanting to be anonymous and all sorts of negative gunk like that, and yet you have no problems with photos. I was wondering whether you just simply never got any of that stuff, or if you somehow worked through it already, and if the latter, just how?
I was wondering whether you just simply never got any of that stuff, or if you somehow worked through it already, and if the latter, just how?
It's neither actually. I had, and continue to have, intense body dislike and body hatred issues, which I choose to consciously fight by a) trying not to use weight or fat-shaming language and choosing to try not to be exposed to it in my every day environment and b) taking photos like self-portraits and putting them up, no matter how I feel about them.
I am more comfortable naked than clothed, overall, which is something I picked up during coven, doing skyclad ritual with other flawed bodies and becoming 'easy' with that. But overall... I haven't yet worked through it, and I did get a lot of that stuff. It's a pretty big problem actually, it's just something I choose to combat or work with by not engaging in the 'classic' ways that most people engage with their body dysmorphia. I mean, to me, my body is *wrong* anyway - since I feel male or neutral as often as I feel female, I have issues around this in general. But overall, I struggle with the way my body has looked and always have. I still refuse to see certain people because I think I'm too 'ugly' to see them, and when I'm out in public, I often - without realising it - look at everyone and conclude that I am the fattest or ugliest one there.
It's an ongoing process. I'm glad I don't automatically give the impression that this is what's going on with me. I am a big believer that people who are self-confident are beautiful, and that beauty is as much a self-initiated concept far away from scientific symmetrical values.
Okay. I was sort of hoping you'd have some advice, and I guess that is advice!
I feel kinda dumb about having all these weird body issues; I mean, I know at some level I'm 'way more athletic and younger looking for my age than most people I'm around, and it's even dumber 'cause I've spent an okay amount of time drawing naked people (I probably need to spend more time on life drawing, soon), you'd figure I'd beat myself up for being ugly a lot less.
I wear a surprising amount of red! It probably doesn't suit me as much as other colours, I've just always loved wearing a really bright blue-based red.
Since colouring my hair I don't know if I want to go back to brown again! I'll probably only go back to my original colour when they tell me I must. Lol. By then it'll mostly be white anyway.
I am loving my red, though I keep thinking I want to try henna; which means I have to let the chemical dye grow out completely (or mostly completely) before I try that...not sure I'm confident for that! Because I see the gray and I'm reaching for the box!
There is something to be said about those of us who have green eyes with brown star bursts in the center. The sunlight hitting them usually causes the reaction of "OMG! Your eyes!" And then lets add to it your red hair. :) Unmatched beauty outside to match that which is within. I don't think you have aged a day since we met up online all of those years ago. <3
Ooohs! You have brown-inside-green eyes too! You wouldn't happen to have small specks of blue grey in them as well would you? Also, I'd like to say that you're one of those people that rocks glasses.
I'm really enjoying looking at your PoTD, and reading what you have to say about them, but I haven't had anything I felt was important to say about each specific one. after all 'ooh, I like that one' starts to feel a bit off in print, in a way I don't have problems with when looking over people's pics in person. But the 'ooh, I like that one' if pretty much implied....
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branchandroot
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Date: 2013-01-04 03:56 pm (UTC)Your eyes are such a cool colour, especially in sunlight!
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Date: 2013-01-05 07:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-04 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-05 07:50 am (UTC)It's neither actually. I had, and continue to have, intense body dislike and body hatred issues, which I choose to consciously fight by a) trying not to use weight or fat-shaming language and choosing to try not to be exposed to it in my every day environment and b) taking photos like self-portraits and putting them up, no matter how I feel about them.
I am more comfortable naked than clothed, overall, which is something I picked up during coven, doing skyclad ritual with other flawed bodies and becoming 'easy' with that. But overall... I haven't yet worked through it, and I did get a lot of that stuff. It's a pretty big problem actually, it's just something I choose to combat or work with by not engaging in the 'classic' ways that most people engage with their body dysmorphia. I mean, to me, my body is *wrong* anyway - since I feel male or neutral as often as I feel female, I have issues around this in general. But overall, I struggle with the way my body has looked and always have. I still refuse to see certain people because I think I'm too 'ugly' to see them, and when I'm out in public, I often - without realising it - look at everyone and conclude that I am the fattest or ugliest one there.
It's an ongoing process. I'm glad I don't automatically give the impression that this is what's going on with me. I am a big believer that people who are self-confident are beautiful, and that beauty is as much a self-initiated concept far away from scientific symmetrical values.
no subject
Date: 2013-01-05 04:29 pm (UTC)I feel kinda dumb about having all these weird body issues; I mean, I know at some level I'm 'way more athletic and younger looking for my age than most people I'm around, and it's even dumber 'cause I've spent an okay amount of time drawing naked people (I probably need to spend more time on life drawing, soon), you'd figure I'd beat myself up for being ugly a lot less.
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Date: 2013-01-05 08:20 pm (UTC)<3
Date: 2013-01-05 12:57 am (UTC)Seriously, I'm a writer and I can never find words for how beautiful you are.
Re: <3
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