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moonvoiceYou will need:
(all directions in Australian metric)
- 3 cups self-raising flour
- some plain flour for dusting (yourself, all over. You like it. I know you do.)
- 80g cubed butter (better if it's room temperature), I use unsalted
- 1 cup milk (you may need a little more)
- extras: pinch of salt and/or teaspoon of vanilla bean paste. Mnnnnmmmmm.
Soundtrack:
Something awfully catchy, like Beyonce or Lady Gaga. Otherwise, the scones won't rise.
What you do:
1. Preheat oven to 180C (if not fan-forced, about 200C is good).
2. Lightly dust baking tray/s with plain flour. If you're me, you'll pretty much do this very enthusiastically. Oh look. Flour! It goes everywhere! I just cleaned the kitchen yesterday! Fuuuuuu- (Actually, Mum tells this story of how I once got a flour packet when I was like three and went 'BFFT!!!!!' with the packet, and got it everywhere. She was laughing so hard she couldn't say 'please don't do that again.' So I never learnt.)
3. Sift self-raising flour into a large bowl.
4. Rub your cubed butterall over your body into flour with your fingertips till it feels really good resembles breadcrumbs. But for the love of god, don't rub it anymore! No more rubbing! Rubbing is now BANNED!
5. Make a well. Not an actual well. You'd need a really large bowl for that. And maybe a land-drill or something. So make one of those pathetic weakling pits that they call 'wells' in cooking. Actually, I forgot to do this part, and mine still turned out just fine. So I guess the well is optional! (You should probably make a well).
6. Pour your 1 cup of milkall over your body into the well. Mix with a flat-backed knife. I'm not really sure how important this is. It seems important in the recipe I bastardised, but people were using food processors and everything. It's a pretty simple recipe. The only thing is, don't mix it too much. Basically handle the flour as little as possible. Otherwise this becomes a recipe for how to make rocks. Not scones. (Tune in next week for that one).
7. Turn onto lightly floured surface and kneadyour body gently until smooth. This part is easy. At this point, you might want to keep a really close eye on your young cat (do you have one? It's an essential part of the recipe! It gives it a lovely flavour of suspense), who is literally as close to you as she can be without being ON the actual kitchen bench. Watch her like a hawk. She will sell her soul to the devil for some scone mixture. Don't doubt it for a second.
8. Pat into a 2 centimetre round (approximately) and use a biscuit(cookie) cutter or drinking glass or whatever's handy to cut little scone shapes (about 5 centimetres in diameter, but who's counting?) If you find this part boring,you can just pat the dough all over your body instead. Make a little neck pillow!, you can decide to get a really catchy but unabashedly pop song into your head. May I recommend: 'umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh' or 'ra-ra-ah-ah-ah, roma-mah-mah-mah, Gaga-ooh-la-la, want your bad romance!' Keep refolding and cutting the scones until you have about 14-16.
9. Place on the trays and put in the ovenand don't forget to dance or something. Or tell your cat the scones are gone now! They have disappeared! And then laugh like this: BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA, in your cat's face. No point having cats unless you're training to be an evil overlord, after all.
10. Wait about 15-20 minutes, or until golden and well-risen and very happy to see you. In that time, you can do things like mix whipped cream, wash dishes,clean the butter off your torso, dance in the 'dancing room' (dining room), perform a choral arrangement of meows with your cats. Whatever you do, make sure you do it in a *badass* way. This is the secret to the success of the scones.
11. Success! Serve scones with whipped cream and jam.If you haven't wasted all the whipped cream in other pursuits, anyway.
So now, you have scones!Unless you followed the strikethrough instructions, and then you have something else entirely. And you made them like a badass! Rock!
(all directions in Australian metric)
- 3 cups self-raising flour
- some plain flour for dusting (yourself, all over. You like it. I know you do.)
- 80g cubed butter (better if it's room temperature), I use unsalted
- 1 cup milk (you may need a little more)
- extras: pinch of salt and/or teaspoon of vanilla bean paste. Mnnnnmmmmm.
Soundtrack:
Something awful
What you do:
1. Preheat oven to 180C (if not fan-forced, about 200C is good).
2. Lightly dust baking tray/s with plain flour. If you're me, you'll pretty much do this very enthusiastically. Oh look. Flour! It goes everywhere! I just cleaned the kitchen yesterday! Fuuuuuu- (Actually, Mum tells this story of how I once got a flour packet when I was like three and went 'BFFT!!!!!' with the packet, and got it everywhere. She was laughing so hard she couldn't say 'please don't do that again.' So I never learnt.)
3. Sift self-raising flour into a large bowl.
4. Rub your cubed butter
5. Make a well. Not an actual well. You'd need a really large bowl for that. And maybe a land-drill or something. So make one of those pathetic weakling pits that they call 'wells' in cooking. Actually, I forgot to do this part, and mine still turned out just fine. So I guess the well is optional! (You should probably make a well).
6. Pour your 1 cup of milk
7. Turn onto lightly floured surface and knead
8. Pat into a 2 centimetre round (approximately) and use a biscuit(cookie) cutter or drinking glass or whatever's handy to cut little scone shapes (about 5 centimetres in diameter, but who's counting?) If you find this part boring,
9. Place on the trays and put in the oven
10. Wait about 15-20 minutes, or until golden and well-risen and very happy to see you. In that time, you can do things like mix whipped cream, wash dishes,
11. Success! Serve scones with whipped cream and jam.
So now, you have scones!
